'Fair' doesn't always mean 'equal'. When you're deciding who gets what in your will, the real goal isn't arithmetic, it's harmony. Clear planning, kind explanations and the right legal steps can prevent confusion, protect relationships, and spare your loved ones from avoidable stress. Think of this as a final gift of peace.
'Fair' doesn't always mean 'equal'. When you're deciding who gets what in your will, the real goal isn't arithmetic, it's harmony. Clear planning, kind explanations and the right legal steps can prevent confusion, protect relationships, and spare your loved ones from avoidable stress. Think of this as a final gift of peace.
Before you touch forms or legal clauses, take an hour to reflect on your own principles. In many families, fairness might consider:
Write these ideas down in plain language. They will anchor your decisions, help you be consistent across your will, and crucially make it easier to explain your choices later. If 'equal shares' aligns with your values, great; if it doesn't, you can still be fair if you plan and communicate well.
Next, create a simple master list of what you own and where it lives. Include:
Digital assets are increasingly being treated as property and can be included in wills, but access and platform terms can be tricky. The safest route is to record what exists, who should receive or manage it, and how lawful access will be provided (for example, via a password manager's emergency access feature or sealed instructions kept with your lawyer).
Store your list securely, keep it current, and make sure your executor knows where to find it.
In Australia, superannuation is often dealt with outside your will. If your fund allows it, you can make a binding death benefit nomination directing your super to specific dependants and/or to your legal personal representative (so it flows into your estate and then your will). A non-binding nomination is only guidance.
Review your fund's rules and keep nominations up to date so they actually reflect your wishes. If you have an SMSF, ensure your deed supports the way you intend benefits to be paid and that trustees understand their duties at death.
In New Zealand, your KiwiSaver balance generally becomes part of your estate on death and is distributed under your will. A useful practical note: as of 24 September 2025, the small-estate threshold was lifted, certain non-land assets up to $40,000 can be released without formal probate, which can simplify matters for families in modest estates.
Always check your provider's process and the current thresholds before relying on this pathway.
Most wills combine a 'residuary' gift (the everything-else bucket) with specific bequests of items that carry financial or emotional weight. This is where clarity prevents conflict.
If you want a particular person to receive a ring, a piano, a classic car, a collection of photos or a family recipe book, say so, using clear descriptions, and include a simple fallback (for example, 'if they predecease me, then to…').
For charitable gifts, use the charity's correct legal name and, if you care about purpose, add a short intention (e.g. 'scholarships for rural students').
State who should inherit (or manage memorialisation), and how they will gain lawful access; don't rely on loved ones to guess passwords or navigate platform policies after a loss.
However, it's a surprise that often hurts. Consider writing a one-page Letter of Wishes to sit with your will. It isn't the will itself, but it humanises your decisions and can reduce the risk of disputes.
In warm, simple language, outline the principles you used (needs, past support, responsibilities), give one or two concrete examples, and stress your care for each person. Keep it consistent with your will and your lifetime actions. Done well, this letter turns what could feel arbitrary into something your family can understand, even if they don't fully agree.
Most states and territories allow family provision claims by certain eligible people who say they weren't adequately provided for. In New South Wales, for example, spouses (including de facto), children, former spouses, certain dependants and those in a close personal relationship may be eligible. Similar categories exist elsewhere with local differences.
There are time limits (in NSW, typically 12 months from death), and courts look at what was 'adequate and proper' in the circumstances.
The Family Protection Act 1955 empowers courts to step in where a will is seen to breach a deceased person's 'moral duty' to provide proper maintenance and support to close family (spouse/partner, children, and in some cases grandchildren or stepchildren being maintained).
You don't have to unveil line-by-line distributions, but a calm conversation about your principles can defuse later tension. One-to-one chats are often better than dramatic family summits. Explain that you're planning to spare people confusion, that your aim is kindness and clarity, and that your choices are grounded in values and practical realities. Setting expectations now reduces shock later.
Your executor is your voice when you're no longer here. Make their task a logistical project, not a scavenger hunt.
You can manage your passwords in iDecide. A well-prepared estate file can save months of stress for the people you love.
A common mistake is assuming that superannuation automatically follows your will; in Australia, this is often not the case without the correct nomination.
In New Zealand, families sometimes delay because they fear formalities, not realising small estates can sometimes be paid out without probate under the new $40,000 threshold for certain assets.
Vague bequests of 'personal effects' invite quarrels, and out-of-date documents can undermine your intentions after a marriage, separation, new child, or business sale.
Digital blind spots are also growing: if no one knows about your crypto wallet, cloud archive or domain renewals, value can be lost forever. A little foresight prevents a lot of heartache.
Set aside 60 minutes this week:
Include super/KiwiSaver and digital items, in one place.
Write a short paragraph defining what 'fair' means in your family.
Sketch who should receive what, noting any specific gifts that matter.
Update your nominations or records to ensure they align with your plan.
Draft a kind one-page letter of wishes.
Finally, book a local wills and estates lawyer to formalise everything under the law of your state/territory or in New Zealand, and let your executor know where the documents live.
iDecide offers a Will writing module with guidance on how to prepare a simple Will. You can use this if you have an estate, with easily bequeathable assets such as a car, home, a few shares and chattels that you would like to leave to family and friends.
You need clarity, consistency and a little courage. Clear planning, kind explanations, and the right legal steps can prevent confusion, protect relationships, and spare your loved ones from avoidable stress. Think of this as a final gift of peace.
iDecide provides secure, comprehensive estate planning tools that make organizing and protecting your assets simple. From will writing to document storage, our platform ensures your family's future is well-planned and harmonious.